i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
