dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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