Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
