i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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