yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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