can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
