Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
