Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
