after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
