I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize