is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
