You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
