true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
