nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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