Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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