If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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