Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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