What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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