It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
