hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
