I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
