Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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