I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
