I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
