Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pants 0. Shit 1.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
