She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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