ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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