people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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