Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
