Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
