Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
