He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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