Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
