Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
