she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize