if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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