im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
