i need an iv and a liver transplant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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