I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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