ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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