people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i drank out of a bidet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
