I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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