a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
