If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
