There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
