i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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