he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
