That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
