My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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