Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
