well he's currently spooning the coffee table
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
