I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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