Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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