I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
