what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
