so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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