I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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