My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
