"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize