now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
