Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
