turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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