I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
