Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
