He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
