I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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