Can i not drive my cunt home
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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