So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
