..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
