I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
