Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
