I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
