I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
