just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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