You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
