Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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