Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
