best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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